Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Camping success
Apparently I used to do this. There is digital evidence, but I have little memory of it. That is why I need to return. It's nice to be able to visit the old you. The other day, while doing crunches, I wished I could have visited my 25 year old self to say "See, I told you so! You are in shape, and your body looks fine. Too bad you wouldn't listen to anyone then!!" So here I am. And after a weekend of camping with a pile of 8 year old girls I am feeling all zen, connected with the earth (except for the spider killing), figuring out the great mysteries of parenting and life itself.... 42. And also why kids need camping. Adults too, but really really kids need camping. Camping this weekend I realized camping is about harnessing your childs inner ability to struggle. It's about finding the fun in hard work and tough circumstances. It's about rising above what might be bugging you, literal bugs, such as mosiquitos that can carry off a small 8 year girl, and being able to see the fun, the beauty, and the opportunity. Which just might translate one day into learning how to work with a boss that bugs you (aka: the mosquito) and with a little camp smoke and a smore or two, how you can rise above and make beautiful music by singing camp songs around the fire, or be a great (fill in the blank with profession of choice here). It's about embracing what is difficult, fending for yourself, and realizing that you can feed yourself without a whole pantry full of food, or menu full of choices, nearby supermarket, microwave oven, gas range (well we did have a coleman propane stove so scratch that), dishwasher, or hot water tap. That you can make a fire, keep yourself warm, cook a hot dog and sing a song and that can be happiness. That you can survive a night without a mattress (a thermarest is not a REAL mattress), sleeping on the ground with spiders (true story), in the cold dark night (insert Sarah Maclachlan lyric of choice here) brings you certain confidence, a certain toughness that you can bring to life with the attitude of success..."I got this". Now don't even get me started on how camping brings you to the earth and nature, the heart and soul of all the things in our lives. Without an interaction with nature on an intimate level, the appreciation for it that is preached in schools is just a nice theory. Recycle sounds nice, but where did all the stuff that we need to recycle even come from? How do we have what we have? Nature. Life. Earth. Camping. So sum all that up and camping is life. Camping is success. Camping is toughness, confidence, and resilience. Even if there is a lot of whining (and wining), camping is all these things. If you want your kids to be winners, throw them in the car. Go camping. The more mosquitos, the bigger the spiders, the bigger the winners. I highly recommend sleeping in a tipi once. But don't forget the wine. May I recommend pinot grigio, fruity yet earthy. Mmmm, wine.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Goodnight Sweetheart
Parents love to watch our kids sleeping. Am I right? I know you do. Okay, well maybe not so much dads, but a little, but moms for sure, no mom is shaking her head no right now. But tonight as a I passed by my littlest one's door and saw her sweet slumbering face I wondered, why? Why does the sight of our children sleeping bring us so much peace? Joy? Satisfaction? I thought about it and wondered if it is because the look so happy, so peaceful. No. Not entirely. It's because they look so happy and peaceful and because I am bone-hurting, achingly, draggingly, comatosely, dog-tired at the end of each circus of a day that it brings me some sense of satisfaction to know that after all that, after the rushing to the school bus, and packing lunches, and soccer games, and temper tantrums, and scraped knees and tae kwon do classes, and playdates, after all of the madness that we can fit into one day, that SOMEONE is pleasantly rested. Even though that person came out of bed 31 times , that person at that tranquil moment, appears happy, and grateful for the rest they are having and for all the splendor that has lulled them into a sweet slumber. That even though I am not that someone, someone is getting some revitalizing, energizing sleep. Even if that person has robbed me of countless hours of sleep that is rightfully mine, in face is now stealing even more of those hours right before my very eyes, at least they are content. It makes us feel that through all the craziness they have fallen to sleep happy, and cared for and look after, even if the last words they heard were "If you get out of bed ONE MORE TIME, I am taking leopard away, FOREVER!!". Even though, they are dreaming about the wonderful life they have. I think this is why we love to watch them sleep. Or maybe it because they aren't talking.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Nature or Nurture
My kids make me crazy. For so many reasons - because I love them SO much, because they are so full of energy, but lately because of this ever-prevalent question I get every night and mostly every morning, "Mommy, what are we doing tomorrow?" My anxiety and irritation start to rise, I want to snap, "NOTHING, AGGHHHH!" Seriously what 3 year old and 5 year old need to know this kind of advance planning? This is just the beginning.of my issue. It's not just that these kids are under the impression that they need to have an hourly social agenda to fill up each day, when we don't "Do anything" they can't pay attention to any single activity for more than 5-7 minutes. So I have been struggling with all of this, while knowing full well I have created my own monster(s), quite literally.
I am trying to raise my kids with a passion for life. My hubby and I both love to get out and grab all the opportunities life has to offer. We take our kids out to all kinds of events and activities as a family - community events always, festivals, city attractions, recreation center activities, outdoor sports, parks, etc, etc, etc. We are a very busy active family. We are not ones to put our kids in tonnes of registered programs, preferring instead to do things together as a family for the most part. So, most days when we are not working we are doing something, we are busy. Thus the dreaded question arises. I guess it shouldn't annoy me but it does. Kids should be able to comprehend that some days will be spent at home but when I tell them that we are not planning to go anywhere the next day, they go into an anxiety attack. But who will we see, is someone coming over, I want to go somewhere...Ugh! So I take full responsibility for this situation but I am struggling to figure out how to fix it . Stay home once in awhile...or often. Which brings me to my next problem.
When we do stay home, my girls, especially my oldest (and I do beleive there is some connection there) cannot focus on one thing for more than 5-7 minutes maximum, usually more like 2-3. The oldest, I actually fear may have ADD. Again, I look to myself. Is this my fault, a result of my attempt to instill in them a lust for life? Or is this their personality? Worse yet for me to consider is it a genetic trait? I am always busy doing million things around the house - laundry, baking, cooking, crafting, cleaning, keeping the kids busy, computing...Is it my constant multi-tasking the thing that destroys their attention span. Are they emulating me but multitasking is just not something their little brains can comprehend so they end up acting like squirrels on crack. Or is it because my attention is always split from them, half doing something with them half something else? How do I teach them to just be? Probably the fact that I think I need to teach them that means I am still not getting it. I think, I shouldn't have to teach them, I just need to let them be. Just let them be. I think kids are suffering from over parenting. We think for our kids to play we need to have playdates. When I was little there was no such word. My moms friends would drop by for coffee, whenever. No one had cell phones to construct these orchestrated outings with multiple families. My aunt would drop by with my cousins, maybe we were home, most likely we would be because where else would we be. I guess I am a fan of the old fashioned family way, it seems like the right thing to me, feels right. We don't give kids time to just be and so they can't pay attention when given time to freely play. They don't know how to just be. They panic, they come running to mommy asking if they can do this organized activity, or go here, or have me orchestrate something for them. I believe they need time to just process things, play in order to make sense of all the stimulation being thrown at them all day long. Time to rest their heads and let it all soak in. It's almost like now they need someone or something to stimulate their brains all the time or they go into what I call frizzle mode where their brains are just jittering, frizzling as an after effect of all the stimulation.
At the same time, I think I need to be more focused. I just spent the last 2 days in high annoyance at my oldest, scolding her about being able to focus on the task at hand. Meanwhile my brain is in a million places, thinking o f all the Christmas preparations I need to do in the next two weeks. Well we know we are our kids biggest role models when it comes to speech and attitude etc. Obviously attention is no different. I think I need to lecture my self. PAY ATTENTION! The thing is I believe we need to pay attention, spend time with our kids doing meaningful, influential activities. And then we need to let them marinate. Let them be. Instead of getting them going on a craft then trying to cook supper, sit down and really focus on the activity with them and then send them off to play (gasp! with no play date!) while I cook. Attention, marinate. This is my new mantra. Give them QUALITY attention but it DOESN'T need to be ALL then time. Let them go about their very important kid business of all those things kids need to do. Parents, play with your kids, but also LET THEM PLAY. Often. Daily. I going to try it, we'll see how it goes. By the way, as I am typing this on my iPad I am watching TV, have a magazine open, and am checking my iPhone facebook.. But really it's them who have the attention problem. But then again maybe they are just 3 and 5.
I am trying to raise my kids with a passion for life. My hubby and I both love to get out and grab all the opportunities life has to offer. We take our kids out to all kinds of events and activities as a family - community events always, festivals, city attractions, recreation center activities, outdoor sports, parks, etc, etc, etc. We are a very busy active family. We are not ones to put our kids in tonnes of registered programs, preferring instead to do things together as a family for the most part. So, most days when we are not working we are doing something, we are busy. Thus the dreaded question arises. I guess it shouldn't annoy me but it does. Kids should be able to comprehend that some days will be spent at home but when I tell them that we are not planning to go anywhere the next day, they go into an anxiety attack. But who will we see, is someone coming over, I want to go somewhere...Ugh! So I take full responsibility for this situation but I am struggling to figure out how to fix it . Stay home once in awhile...or often. Which brings me to my next problem.
When we do stay home, my girls, especially my oldest (and I do beleive there is some connection there) cannot focus on one thing for more than 5-7 minutes maximum, usually more like 2-3. The oldest, I actually fear may have ADD. Again, I look to myself. Is this my fault, a result of my attempt to instill in them a lust for life? Or is this their personality? Worse yet for me to consider is it a genetic trait? I am always busy doing million things around the house - laundry, baking, cooking, crafting, cleaning, keeping the kids busy, computing...Is it my constant multi-tasking the thing that destroys their attention span. Are they emulating me but multitasking is just not something their little brains can comprehend so they end up acting like squirrels on crack. Or is it because my attention is always split from them, half doing something with them half something else? How do I teach them to just be? Probably the fact that I think I need to teach them that means I am still not getting it. I think, I shouldn't have to teach them, I just need to let them be. Just let them be. I think kids are suffering from over parenting. We think for our kids to play we need to have playdates. When I was little there was no such word. My moms friends would drop by for coffee, whenever. No one had cell phones to construct these orchestrated outings with multiple families. My aunt would drop by with my cousins, maybe we were home, most likely we would be because where else would we be. I guess I am a fan of the old fashioned family way, it seems like the right thing to me, feels right. We don't give kids time to just be and so they can't pay attention when given time to freely play. They don't know how to just be. They panic, they come running to mommy asking if they can do this organized activity, or go here, or have me orchestrate something for them. I believe they need time to just process things, play in order to make sense of all the stimulation being thrown at them all day long. Time to rest their heads and let it all soak in. It's almost like now they need someone or something to stimulate their brains all the time or they go into what I call frizzle mode where their brains are just jittering, frizzling as an after effect of all the stimulation.
At the same time, I think I need to be more focused. I just spent the last 2 days in high annoyance at my oldest, scolding her about being able to focus on the task at hand. Meanwhile my brain is in a million places, thinking o f all the Christmas preparations I need to do in the next two weeks. Well we know we are our kids biggest role models when it comes to speech and attitude etc. Obviously attention is no different. I think I need to lecture my self. PAY ATTENTION! The thing is I believe we need to pay attention, spend time with our kids doing meaningful, influential activities. And then we need to let them marinate. Let them be. Instead of getting them going on a craft then trying to cook supper, sit down and really focus on the activity with them and then send them off to play (gasp! with no play date!) while I cook. Attention, marinate. This is my new mantra. Give them QUALITY attention but it DOESN'T need to be ALL then time. Let them go about their very important kid business of all those things kids need to do. Parents, play with your kids, but also LET THEM PLAY. Often. Daily. I going to try it, we'll see how it goes. By the way, as I am typing this on my iPad I am watching TV, have a magazine open, and am checking my iPhone facebook.. But really it's them who have the attention problem. But then again maybe they are just 3 and 5.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
What About Me?
Sometimes motherhood astounds me. Lately I have been thinking a lot about the strange dichotomies of motherhood. For instance, we love our children, but sometimes they can make us crazy. I guess that is how love goes, only when you love someone can their actions have such an intense impact on you. But a biggy that confuses me often is this: we love to see our children grow, each new skill they master, each developmental step is so beautiful to see and leaves us in awe and wonder and yet it also leaves us...sad? The very of joy of having children to watch them grow and change is also something that causes great sadness. I don't know why? Is it because that means we are getting older and we find that sad? I don't think so because I don't really go around being sad about being older. So what is it? I guess it's about holding onto that innocence that children have and bring into our lives. Is it about them growing up and growing apart from us and fearing a loss of their unconditional love? I haven't figured it out yet but it's out there otherwise there wouldn't be all of us mom's crying in the mudroom after dropping our kids off at the first day of preschool or kindergarten.
The second big one that has me thinking is how we, as mothers are so important to the family, most important to them we might say. And in being the most important, we become the least important. When cutting up the last 10 strawberries, who will get the sweetest ones, me or my girls? No brainer. When it is supper time who cooks in a mad frenzy for an hour, hasn't eaten lunch in leiu of getting everyone to school and naps on time, then spends the next half hour feeding the baby, getting milk, getting napkins, helping someone go pee, etc etc and might actually get to taste some of that culinary effort before 8pm? who is the least important. I realized this when one day my oldest daughter asked me about something we were eating or doing "what about you mommy" and I off-handedly replied "not me, I'm the least important, I'll go last". She replied in shock "NO MOMMY!! YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT!!" Well, I guess that's why we do it all, isn't it? Because they need us, because we hold their world upon our shoulders. It is frustrating, rewarding, exhausting, and bewildering. It's just one more thing that motherhood has brought into my life that I am truly grateful to be experiencing, good and bad.
The second big one that has me thinking is how we, as mothers are so important to the family, most important to them we might say. And in being the most important, we become the least important. When cutting up the last 10 strawberries, who will get the sweetest ones, me or my girls? No brainer. When it is supper time who cooks in a mad frenzy for an hour, hasn't eaten lunch in leiu of getting everyone to school and naps on time, then spends the next half hour feeding the baby, getting milk, getting napkins, helping someone go pee, etc etc and might actually get to taste some of that culinary effort before 8pm? who is the least important. I realized this when one day my oldest daughter asked me about something we were eating or doing "what about you mommy" and I off-handedly replied "not me, I'm the least important, I'll go last". She replied in shock "NO MOMMY!! YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT!!" Well, I guess that's why we do it all, isn't it? Because they need us, because we hold their world upon our shoulders. It is frustrating, rewarding, exhausting, and bewildering. It's just one more thing that motherhood has brought into my life that I am truly grateful to be experiencing, good and bad.
Monday, June 6, 2011
As Normal As It Gets
As it turns out, blogging is a fairly accurate representation of the state of my life. Today I return to my blog, two years and a few months after my last post. My god, I think, has it really been that long. And then the significance of my last post, March 2009, hits me. It was shortly after that post that not only did my blog go offline, my whole life went kind of sideways. I was about 3 weeks after that post that my husband was admitted to ICU, rendered 100% paralyzed and unable to breath on his own due to Guillian Barre Syndrome. And thus for the next 4 gruelling months my existance became tending to him in ICU (3 months) and then rehab, as well as taking care of my 3 year old and 5 month old daughters on my own (well actually with the amazing help of our families). Two months after my husband came home from being hospitalized for 4 months, I found out I was pregnant. Go figure! So I returned to work from my maternity leave pregnant in October 2009, leaving my still recovering husband at home with our two daughters. When our third daughter was born last May, we took upon the monumental task of building a house and making an interim move for the winter. This April, we took possession of our new home and now as I type this I marvel that I have made it through the last two years, sanity relatively in tact (relatively being a key word here). Could all this really have happpened in 2 years!!
And so I return to blogging because I suppose I am feeling some sense of normalcy returning to my roller coaster life of the past 2 years. I need a venue to once again vent, to ponder, and to have some record of my experiences in this amazing journey called motherhood. I guess some of what I have been through over the past 2 years may surface in some of my posts. I wanted to start a blog just about my experiences with my husbands illness. Who knows, maybe I'll become just SO normal I will have time for that too. So here I am, back, at least for today. Hopefully it wont be another 2 years before I get to this page again.
And so I return to blogging because I suppose I am feeling some sense of normalcy returning to my roller coaster life of the past 2 years. I need a venue to once again vent, to ponder, and to have some record of my experiences in this amazing journey called motherhood. I guess some of what I have been through over the past 2 years may surface in some of my posts. I wanted to start a blog just about my experiences with my husbands illness. Who knows, maybe I'll become just SO normal I will have time for that too. So here I am, back, at least for today. Hopefully it wont be another 2 years before I get to this page again.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Choco-holic
So I am a chocoholic, yes I admit it. Coincidentally, my dog is also fond of the milky heavenly goodness. See my collection of photo evidence below, it's a little montage I like to call "Sippy Cup of Chocolate Milk Meets Chocolate-loving Airedale at Midnight on the Living Room Carpet".
But who couldn't love that face?
Truthfully it didn't really bother me because I am trying to pare down my sippy collection anyway, it just annoyed me that she got blood on my couch cushion. Further to my detective work in checking each dog's gums for bleeding, I also found an incriminating piece of green in the beard of the bitch. If you look closely you can see it below.
But who couldn't love that face?
Truthfully it didn't really bother me because I am trying to pare down my sippy collection anyway, it just annoyed me that she got blood on my couch cushion. Further to my detective work in checking each dog's gums for bleeding, I also found an incriminating piece of green in the beard of the bitch. If you look closely you can see it below.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Parental Problems
When you have a baby everyone tells you, it gets easier, once they are six months it's much easier. They are talking about sleep, something foreign to me lately. When your child is 12 months they say "it gets easier, once they can follow directions, once they are 20 months or so". What they don't tell you is that just because they CAN follow directions, doesn't mean they will. They say when your child is 2, "it gets easier, it's the terrible twos" and at this point I am realizing it never gets easier, the challenges just morph into something new and foreign and something that makes you feel completely helpless and incapable at every new phase of parenting. But that's the fun of it right? Right? I don't hear a resounding cheer from the audience of sleep-deprived, reasoning challenged, out-"why-ed" moms out there. So here are some of my latest parenting challenges that I am facing in my new and repeat phases of motherhood. Since the only people that read this are other moms, to my knowledge, I am looking for some good advice from those who have been here before me, are here with me, or those who just may have a magic answer.
#1 Parental Nudity
A hot topic I'm sure, this one has me a little confused, embarassed, and annoyed. While visiting my parents house at Christmas, my husband took my two and a half year old to have a shower, as he often does. Visibly apalled, my well-meaning mother says "Don't you think she is a little bit OLD to be showering with her dad?". I was floored, annoyed, angry, worried, and stunned. I had never considered this question before. She is his little girl, he has bathed her since birth, sometimes in the tub with her, sometimes not. At what point had that morphed into something suspicious, ugly, and bad? Was she right? Was this inappropriate? Was he creating future therapy-requiring damage in the psyche of our little angel? Was it MY responsibility to step in on this obscene act? OH THE ANGST! Of course I quickly shot back "NO! He showers with her all the time", ya, great response but I was at a loss for what to say. So this is my issue. Is this inappropriate. Now that the seed has been planted my mind can't help but wonder at what point is it okay and not okay to shower with your kids, be naked in front of your kids, and help your kids bath themeselves? For goodness sake she is 2! If you are still having to wipe her bum at the potty, showering together can't be forbidden already can it? Now I find myself wondering if daddy should be doing any of these things, which is of course completely ridiculous because I don't question for one second if I should be doing these things. Are there different rules for moms and dads when it comes to boys and girls? Dads with girls seems to be the most suspect of all gender combination possibilities. And that is sad. We strive for dads to be involved. Now that I have my husband thoroughly used to chipping in whatever is needed, bum wiping, bathing, dressing, etc do I now have to step in and say back off? Can't he still take her to the change room at the pool?
I have taken the stance that I am not going to hamper this fantastic gift I have of an engaged dad. If I start telling him to back off in one area, knowing men, this may cause an over-reaction of withdrawing to the point of uninvolvement. I didn't grow-up in a naked household. I don't recall ever seeing my parents or my siblings naked, EVER! That seemed normal to me at the time but our free flesh policy now also seems completely normal and comfortable. I am a shy individual when it comes to nudity. I am not comfortable baring all in change rooms, I prefer to hide in a individual stall so as not to expose anyone to my imperfect lumps (thanks to the media we can all be ashamed of our natural state no matter what our size). But I don't feel the same way in my home. My home is my haven of comfort. I don't want to have to be on gaurd with nudity. Secondly, I don't want to instill a sense of shame or embarassment to my children about their bodies. I want them to see real bodies and know that they look as imperfect as mine and my husbands. To know that mom boobs are not like the ones on TV (and mostly that is your fault my child), daddy's tummy sticks out, etc (I'll spare you the details). But now I wonder if this take is going to somehow scar my child, or worse yet if something nasty is brewing by my two year old showering with her dad? UGGGGHHHH! My take is if everyone is comfortable with it, we are okay for now, reassess as the child grows and shows signs of being uncomfortable or inappropriate. Oh there is so much to say on this topic I could go on for ever but I had a few other parental problems I wanted to discuss so I will leave this one for now. Please comment, I would really love to hear opinions on this. I've read a few at http://www.babble.com/bad-parent-nude-awakening-humor-essay-i-walk-around-the-house-naked-in-front-of-my-kids-emily-mendell/
but I'd love to hear yours too.
#2 Bedtime baby
I'll keep this one short. My baby doesn't like to go to bed. She sleeps great during the day, drifting off for a morning and afternoon nap of a few hours each without incident but every night, the fear sets in. We bath her and she goes to sleep quite nicely usually. But inevitably after about an hour she wakes up crying. I go in soothe her back to sleep. This continues every 20-45 minutes for usually 2-4 hours until about midnight when she finally conks out until her 3-4am feed. It seems like she has gas because she is twisting and clenching up her abs when she wakes up crying but who knows. I usually end up giving her Ovol, which while ineffective as a drug, it is now formulated with peppermint which I think does have a soothing effect on the stomach. We never had this problem with our first (God would never give you two kids with the same problems so you could actually feel like you know what you are doing), she only had trouble falling asleep, once she was down she was OUT! We didn't really have a defined bedtime for her at this age and she usually ended up going to bed later but since we are putting the two year old to bed at 8 it only seems natual to try and get both monkeys out at the same time to give us some sanity time. So I stress and approach the evenings with angst, while I hope to get some time to myself every evening, one must never lose hope, I usually end up doing the baby run every 20 minutes which explains why I have been trying to watch the movie "Sex in the City" since giving birth in October and am now officially half way through it. Oh woe is me. I have my mantra "I am lucky enough to have a baby, I should revel in having her in arms" I say to myself I as go to her room for the third, fourth, etc. time each night. It sometimes works, other times the mantra turns into screaming at my husband to get his butt upstairs and take a shift. Maybe I should just change my attitude and let her stay up until she crashes, but I REALLY don't want to do that. I do think she is ready for sleep at that time, she just for some reason is having trouble staying asleep. Thankfully she usually sleeps until 9 or 10 if left to her own devices. Maybe thats just her natural clock, fall asleep later, sleep later in the morning. Who knows! Anyway, advice on this "situation" would also be appreciated. (PS. I am not really into any books or "methods" on sleep, I find that this just creates more anxiety as I start to EXPECT them to conform to someone's preconceived idea of when to sleep and then get all upset and annoyed when they don't conform. Maybe I'm missing out maybe not...?).
#1 Parental Nudity
A hot topic I'm sure, this one has me a little confused, embarassed, and annoyed. While visiting my parents house at Christmas, my husband took my two and a half year old to have a shower, as he often does. Visibly apalled, my well-meaning mother says "Don't you think she is a little bit OLD to be showering with her dad?". I was floored, annoyed, angry, worried, and stunned. I had never considered this question before. She is his little girl, he has bathed her since birth, sometimes in the tub with her, sometimes not. At what point had that morphed into something suspicious, ugly, and bad? Was she right? Was this inappropriate? Was he creating future therapy-requiring damage in the psyche of our little angel? Was it MY responsibility to step in on this obscene act? OH THE ANGST! Of course I quickly shot back "NO! He showers with her all the time", ya, great response but I was at a loss for what to say. So this is my issue. Is this inappropriate. Now that the seed has been planted my mind can't help but wonder at what point is it okay and not okay to shower with your kids, be naked in front of your kids, and help your kids bath themeselves? For goodness sake she is 2! If you are still having to wipe her bum at the potty, showering together can't be forbidden already can it? Now I find myself wondering if daddy should be doing any of these things, which is of course completely ridiculous because I don't question for one second if I should be doing these things. Are there different rules for moms and dads when it comes to boys and girls? Dads with girls seems to be the most suspect of all gender combination possibilities. And that is sad. We strive for dads to be involved. Now that I have my husband thoroughly used to chipping in whatever is needed, bum wiping, bathing, dressing, etc do I now have to step in and say back off? Can't he still take her to the change room at the pool?
I have taken the stance that I am not going to hamper this fantastic gift I have of an engaged dad. If I start telling him to back off in one area, knowing men, this may cause an over-reaction of withdrawing to the point of uninvolvement. I didn't grow-up in a naked household. I don't recall ever seeing my parents or my siblings naked, EVER! That seemed normal to me at the time but our free flesh policy now also seems completely normal and comfortable. I am a shy individual when it comes to nudity. I am not comfortable baring all in change rooms, I prefer to hide in a individual stall so as not to expose anyone to my imperfect lumps (thanks to the media we can all be ashamed of our natural state no matter what our size). But I don't feel the same way in my home. My home is my haven of comfort. I don't want to have to be on gaurd with nudity. Secondly, I don't want to instill a sense of shame or embarassment to my children about their bodies. I want them to see real bodies and know that they look as imperfect as mine and my husbands. To know that mom boobs are not like the ones on TV (and mostly that is your fault my child), daddy's tummy sticks out, etc (I'll spare you the details). But now I wonder if this take is going to somehow scar my child, or worse yet if something nasty is brewing by my two year old showering with her dad? UGGGGHHHH! My take is if everyone is comfortable with it, we are okay for now, reassess as the child grows and shows signs of being uncomfortable or inappropriate. Oh there is so much to say on this topic I could go on for ever but I had a few other parental problems I wanted to discuss so I will leave this one for now. Please comment, I would really love to hear opinions on this. I've read a few at http://www.babble.com/bad-parent-nude-awakening-humor-essay-i-walk-around-the-house-naked-in-front-of-my-kids-emily-mendell/
but I'd love to hear yours too.
#2 Bedtime baby
I'll keep this one short. My baby doesn't like to go to bed. She sleeps great during the day, drifting off for a morning and afternoon nap of a few hours each without incident but every night, the fear sets in. We bath her and she goes to sleep quite nicely usually. But inevitably after about an hour she wakes up crying. I go in soothe her back to sleep. This continues every 20-45 minutes for usually 2-4 hours until about midnight when she finally conks out until her 3-4am feed. It seems like she has gas because she is twisting and clenching up her abs when she wakes up crying but who knows. I usually end up giving her Ovol, which while ineffective as a drug, it is now formulated with peppermint which I think does have a soothing effect on the stomach. We never had this problem with our first (God would never give you two kids with the same problems so you could actually feel like you know what you are doing), she only had trouble falling asleep, once she was down she was OUT! We didn't really have a defined bedtime for her at this age and she usually ended up going to bed later but since we are putting the two year old to bed at 8 it only seems natual to try and get both monkeys out at the same time to give us some sanity time. So I stress and approach the evenings with angst, while I hope to get some time to myself every evening, one must never lose hope, I usually end up doing the baby run every 20 minutes which explains why I have been trying to watch the movie "Sex in the City" since giving birth in October and am now officially half way through it. Oh woe is me. I have my mantra "I am lucky enough to have a baby, I should revel in having her in arms" I say to myself I as go to her room for the third, fourth, etc. time each night. It sometimes works, other times the mantra turns into screaming at my husband to get his butt upstairs and take a shift. Maybe I should just change my attitude and let her stay up until she crashes, but I REALLY don't want to do that. I do think she is ready for sleep at that time, she just for some reason is having trouble staying asleep. Thankfully she usually sleeps until 9 or 10 if left to her own devices. Maybe thats just her natural clock, fall asleep later, sleep later in the morning. Who knows! Anyway, advice on this "situation" would also be appreciated. (PS. I am not really into any books or "methods" on sleep, I find that this just creates more anxiety as I start to EXPECT them to conform to someone's preconceived idea of when to sleep and then get all upset and annoyed when they don't conform. Maybe I'm missing out maybe not...?).
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