Raining Craps and Dogs

Dear Chiantra,

I lovely you dearly little one but sometimes I don't understand how your little pea-brain works. How can you love water to swim in, to wade in, to play in any tiny puddle but hate it when it falls from the sky? Why do you hate water falling from the sky SO much that you refuse to go outside to go to the bathroom? Do you know how unpleasant it is to come downstairs at four in the morning to find a big pile of dog poo at the back door? WHY don't you just go out and poo when I offer it, EVEN THOUGH it is raining???? How can rain really offend you that much? You have fur that repels water for god's sake!! You will swim when it is minus 20 outside!! What the hell were you thinking?! I am trying very hard to restrain myself from using that phrase that no parent should ever use but....I just have to ask - why can't you be more like your brother? At least when Kusa plays his little head games like "ooh, I can't go outside in the yard to pee because there is a scarey umbrella out there" or "Ugh, I really need to take a dump but I am very scared of that medium sized cardboard box out there" he has the ability to HOLD IT until he forgets his paranoia or decides to brave it. At least he doesn't do the unthinkable. Anyway, I just wasn't impressed that you crapped on the floor that night.

Sincerely,

Your loving mother

Dear Mother,

Kusa is a braindead idiot who is afraid of children's toys and clouds. Do you really want me to be more like him? And furthermore, it is Kusa's job to bark when I need to go to the bathroom which he was too lazy to do that night so this is really his fault. And finally, it's just poo honestly. At least that way I didn't have to get my feet wet and leave paw prints on the tile floor, I really was thinking of you.

Sincerely,

Your loving daughter (aka, The Bitch)