Scarey Thoughts

A year ago I was pregnant and wondering "Will I like having a baby? Will I regret giving up the good life for a life of baby puke and poopy diapers? Will I miss my selfish ways or worse yet will I carry on with my selfish ways and be overwhelmed by guilt for being a bad mom?" Well, a year later I am continually shocked and amazed at how natural and easy it is to love my baby. I know it is so cliche but I truly is the greatest thing I can imagine having happened. Now those thoughts are replaced by the fear of going back to that life I had "What if something happened to her? What if she were kidnapped, sick, or harmed in some way? Would I be able to handle it?" The possibility is far too scarey to consider seriously. So I guess that means, no I don't want my old life back because that would mean no Mayson. As for that guilt, yeah even though I have given up my selfish ways, moms automatically do and don't even think about it, the guilt is just part of the package. Do I give my kid too much Tylenol? Do I feed her too much pepperoni and not enough green beans? Should I be more strict about bedtime? Should I read to her more? Should I not watch "The View" when she's around because it may warp her little mind? Should I watch more Baby Einstein? Would I be a bad mom if I knowingly didn't change her pants when I know a little pee leaked out of her diaper onto her pants? You know what I mean. But when she shows me all that she has learned in these past 11 1/2 months, I know I must be doing okay. When I think about how insane I would go if something happened to her, I know I love her enough to make up for all those questions that I don't have answers for and I know I should let the guilt slide, because I do my best, as all of us mother's do. And we should know that that is enough. That's my mind-babble for tonight.