HELP ME OBI ONE KANOBI (aka D. Miner), YOU"RE MY ONLY HOPE

So the breeder once tole me (it's much easier to type before three glasses of wine on a Sunday night), that he applies a certain oil to the Airedale coat to help condition it. Does canola oil that pork spring rolls have been cooked in add anything extra to that recommendation over the usual mineral, avacado, or olive oil? Do you think Asian appetizer infused oil from your range top will improve your Airedale's head and front leg furnishings? I may atest, it does not. Nor does it, by the way, improve the softenss, pliability, and general comfort/aroma of your leather sofa and cushions (upon which your Airedale slept after drinking 521 mL of spring roll oil left so innocently on the range top by an unsuspecting mom). So, Dorothy Miner (respected author of Airedale Terriers: a complete pet owners' manual), in the chapter on Training Your Airedale you mention positive reinforcement. If your dog does nothing positive, how does one reinforce. How, DM, do I reinforce that nothing the dog is doing, is good. How do I teach, GO TO SLEEP GOD DAMMIT AND DON"T TOUCH ANYTHING ON THE F%*!ING COUNTER, GARBAGE, (AND NOW) OR STOVE!!!! My darling angel, THE BITCH, seems to have the nose required to sniff out cocaine that the drug dealer at the airport shoved up his ass five days ago, removed and crapped 6 times since, so how do I ENCOURAGE her away from DRINKING OOIILLL!!!!

DM says "An unruly Airedale that has taken over alpha position in the family is a major pest." (mild understatement to say the least). DM then goes on to discuss in full how to train an Airedale to Sit, Stay, Sit-Stay, Down, Down-Stay, Heel, etc, etc. all the functions of the competitive Obedience trial ring. We took the BITCH to class. She will sit, and down, and stay, etc for food. The problem is, she will also garbage-dive, chew through over priced food storage containers and travel bags, and reek general havock upon a daily household for FOOD!! I need a special chapter on (instead of the special chapter on How To Train an Airedale as advertised on the front of DM's book) how to UN-food-motivate your Airedale. Sigh, is the sequel out soon DM??? (I take liberty to write all of this because DM owns a brother of "My Main Man" Kusa and in her infinite wisdom has been quoted to say "A VERY smart dog, but VERY annoying".